Leading from Joy or Fear
How come that we still have leaders who make their very best to use their force and wants us to feel fear? Isn’t that very old-fashioned? In this article, I will shortly share what it takes to be a leader coming from joy.
I still remember my first meeting with personal development. I had attended an evening lecture with an American teacher who talked about the Art of Surrender. We got invited to share two and two; I don’t remember what, only the kind eyes and the presence of the man beside me. I started to cry. I hadn’t cried for many years. Something cracked. Of course I joined the course. And on that path, I am still walking at least thirty years later.
Now I can look back on twenty years as a professional coach. I am immensely grateful for what I have received, learnt and experienced. It has transformed my whole life from being very shy to being committed, self-expressed and connected to my heart.
Three years ago me and my husband made the biggest shift ever in our lives. We sold and gave away everything we had and bought a sailing yacht to live and sail around the world with. No storing, no apartment to come back to, we let go of everything. Then we sailed to the other side of the world, to the Big blue Pacific Ocean. You can read and see pictures from our sailing on the Pacific here. It was in our first atoll Kauehi almost two years ago, I felt now is the time to start write about my journey as a coach.
To become a coach was a calling for me. It really clicked from the beginning. And so it did for my clients. They got the well-deserved results they wanted as they practiced. They were coachable. They were eager to try on new ways of being. And they trusted me as their coach and themselves for being more than they first thought.
I love the approach of coaching. It is so refreshing and empowering as it focuses on the full capacity in all of us. Like a secret friend, just knowing there is much more in each of us than we first dare to believe. Encourages us to create our lives, pointing out the choice we all have.
Practices vs Research
Anyway, I started to write and reflect on my practice. I had often been working intuitively, and I soon realized there were several topics I needed to give extra thoughts. I also did my research on actual research in the area. When I started as a coach, inspired by Thomas Leonard, it really was the practice that counted. What do you want to achieve in your life? Finding the next steps and try them out, evaluating — did it give the wanted result, or not? If not, come up with something else to try out. There was no need for having the method sanctioned by the scientists. We were all our own experts in our own life. Nowadays the scientist has checked us up and there is plenty of research showing significant results. No wonder so many want to call them coach. Who does not want to be connected with optimism and goal-achieving?
Raising Your Energy
I did find research that really made a difference for me. It was David R Hawkins (1927–2012), who dedicated his whole life to the question of how we can raise our consciousness. He started as a psychiatrist and became a spiritual teacher and researcher. His most famous work is the map of consciousness, first presented in Power vs Force. I decided to relate my coaching practises and especially the many real coaching case studies I had, to Hawkins framework. I looked over my cases and found nine inner challenges that I connected to a certain energy level. Suddenly, everything became very clear. It was obvious that certain skills, mastering the inner challenge, were needed before the next one.
Power
To become a leader in our own life, we need to know ourselves so much that we know what we value. We dare to stand up for what we think is right and we know how to set healthy boundaries — saying no, thanks to what we feel is not serving us. We start being more responsible, seeing that we don’t need to become victims, when the world out there is not showing up exactly as we expect it to be.
Have you ever blamed your boss, the board or your partner for being the one ruined your day? If it wasn’t for them… Pretty common, isn’t it?
So this is the place where I start in my book — the importance of taking the time to get to know yourself in depth. A life goes fast. The earlier we start listen in to our unique self, the better. Be curious about yourself. Dare to stay in silence and listen. Dare to expand and do things you never have done before. Dare to get help, let someone else coming close. Leave the fear behind.
If we are not taking on the challenge to meet and get to know ourselves, we will be stuck and acting out of fear. We will act as the rest of the world is our enemy, to conquer with force rather than consciousness, love and joy.
Accept Diversity
The next inner challenge is to accept the diversity and complexity in the inner and outer world. Our tendency to take side, to judge what is right and what is wrong, good or bad. With democracy comes freedom of speech. We think differently all over the world. We need to have acknowledged that right for ourselves, before we can accept others’ right to do the same.
Instead of blaming the other, we can ask ourselves why is this showing up in my life? What can I learn? What can I heal? What we witness in the outer world goes on in our inner world, too. Almost the entire world is engaged in this drama, sorting out people and countries as enemies or friends.
Willingness
With higher energy, we become more and more willing to see challenges as a gift and opportunity to transform. We take own initiative — asking and searching for help in complex dilemmas, preparing ourselves for bigger challenges. Ready to commit ourselves, doing and being what is needed.
With even higher consciousness comes the possibility of getting help from the systems we belong to, like our family, organisations and networks. Beyond that comes the collective unconsciousness and the bigger energy field we all are part of. Imaging yourself surrender to the mysterious unknown, trusting it will give you the hints you need in perfect time. The joy grows inside us.
Enjoy the Journey
So summing up — to go for a state where we feel better and better is the way to leading from joy. Questioning thoughts that talk us down. Let us be aware of the choice to go for what gives us and other joy instead of fear. Invest time in listening to our inner being. Let us be brave and meet every new challenge with open eyes, courage and curiosity. Step by step, together — let’s be part of the solution. Please join my tribe and invite me to yours.
All the best from Anna Eriksson
ICF Master Certified Coach
