Embrace yourself, especially when you feel lost
Change is the constant factor we all can count on. In this article I will invite you that feel lost, to embrace this state as a gift and a forthcoming of something new entering your life. I will also share my way of thinking about the stages of change.
In life we can feel that everything is great — we love and are committed to our partner and what we are doing, everything is on roll and flowing. And then, when we get used to it, the routine starts bothering us, or something the boss or partner does irritates us….
Time for change! We find a new place to work at, or maybe a new partner, and life feels sunny again. Until the mind chatter, starts again. This time with greater emphasis. We understand that a new boss or new partner is not the solution this time.The crash is different. We may have gone so far that we feel “burned out” or we may have lost the job or are facing any other dramatic change or stage in life. An inner change knocks on the door.
As a professional coach, I often meet people in times of transition. I love it! I know that the time of uncertainty, feeling lost, of not knowing can be painful to be in. I also know that it is the perfect place to be at, as it part of the natural cycle of change. It does not help to run faster to get over it.
Here are two examples:
“I have been working at the same company in many years — climbed on the career ladder and are now in a position I have worked a lot for. It’s quite challenging, especially at this time of pandemic. I have felt a lot of stress and frustration — wanting us all to keep together and work on. Then I realised that what I saw in others reflected my inner indecision about what to do with my life now. Should I continue in the same organisation, or do something else? I have always said that if I should do something else, it should be something totally different.” (soon 40)
“I have been working for 30 years, and I have recently lost the drive, the motivation. I feel I have succeeded and completed what I once took on. Now, what? One part of me just feels cynical — requesting the worth in what I am doing. Another voice, the logical one, demands me to keep on.” (soon 50)
Typical scenarios in the so-called 40- and 50-years crisis. Those are times in life where it is very natural to take a break and reflect a bit more on life. At 40, what more do you want to achieve in your professional life? At 50, how do you want to plan for the next phase in your life? If you have kids, they are on their way to live on their own and hopefully, your parents are still healthy. A golden age for you and your partner to do what you want, before the retirement and silver age stage.
These are perfect times in life to take time off and reflect on one’s own life situation. Time to go inwards, as there are the answers to each of us. Let it take time, even if it’s uncomfortable being in the not knowing. Time to explore hidden resources, the unknown and the dreams that have not yet got realized. What more want to be expressed through you in this life? Ask and you will receive answers. Listen carefully to the soft voice within, that so far maybe not have got so much space. Be curious about who is you! Uniquely you — one of a kind. How will your path reveal? What are you longing and feel for now, at this stage of your life? What more do you want to create?
The self-confidence is often low for the one that stands in front of searching for a new job or other type of big change in life. What is my worth? Am I good enough? No matter if the person has worked successfully for many, many years. The doubt before the new is so common, as is the relief afterwards. We manage more than we think. Think about it — what changes have you gone through so far in life? Something to remember.
After this time of introspection, where you may have updated your values and priorities, it often comes naturally to long for going out and meet the world again. To check out and meet new people, go on new seminars and events, walk on new streets and get new impressions. What appeals to you now? It maybe something totally new! What new players are out there?
What will be your new commitment? Time to choose! It is the commitment that pulls us forward, that gives energy and direction.
No hurry, please take your time to be in the fruitful stage of being lost. It is a window that opens. You will connect with new, unknown parts of yourself.
Take care!
All the best from Anna
Anna Eriksson, ICF Master Certified Coach
